Stoopid Cat!

First - thank you everyone for your kind comments on Cherie Amour. It was my first full-sized sweater, plus it was a gift for my favorite pregnant sister, so it had to be just right. I'm pretty gosh darn proud.

Earlier today, I was wasting time, scrolling through Lolcats when I saw this:


moar funny pictures

and I was reminded of something that happened a few weeks ago at work.

I was running out to grab a sandwich for lunch. As I drove my car through the parking lot, I saw a terrible, terrible thing. It was a cat, flat on its back, with its head twisted at an unnatural angle. Now remember, I keep house for cats and am well aware of their boneless poses; even Contortionist Kitty would have been uncomfortable sprawled like that.

My first thought was, "Oh shit, someone ran over a cat in my parking lot and just left it there." My heart started pounding and my breath grew ragged as my mind started playing a macabre slide show: me picking up the stiff body; me trying to save the severely injured cat and hurting it even more; me being savaged by the pain-maddened, rabid cat; me being chased by zombie cat (Pet Sematary scared the crap out of me).

At the same time, I was trying to remember how to get to the nearest animal hospital. I debated the pros and cons of running back in the office for directions versus saving time by grabbing the cat and driving hell bent for leather. I had just decided I would risk a police escort and go sans directions when I pulled even with the poor kitty's body.

I had my hands on the door, ready to jump out of the car and whisk the cat to medical care and safety. My brakes squeaked the tiniest bit as I stopped. That stupid cat jumped up, shot me a look of utter disdain, and wandered off in disgust that I had ruined a perfectly good nap.

Stupid cat.

Not a traditional WIP Wednesday

My list of WIPs has not changed significantly since my last post, so instead I give you soap!

Fishermen's Soap is the latest from Turtle Cove Soaps. It is made with Anise Seed Essential Oil, which, besides smelling fabulously like black licorice, has the curious property of removing all traces of human scent. I designed this soap for fishermen, hunters, and anyone who enjoys nature. My husband and his fishing buddies have given it their seal of approval!

Speaking of The Hairy One, did you notice the cute turtle print on each soap? That is from one of the soap stamps he gave me for Christmas. It is perfect!

And, since this is a knitting blog, check out this shot from the Bass Pro Shop in Macon, Georgia:

Obviously if your husband fishes or hunts, you pine at home with random balls of yarn.

Secret Christmas Knitting Revealed

Phew - the craziness of the holidays is finally over. My super secret knit gifts were well received, I am pleased to say. My mother was the proud recipient of Urchin.


Here you see it blocking in all its glory. This was knit with Reynolds Andean Alpaca Regal, a glorious yarn - soft, smooshy, and loverly. If you count, you will see I only knit seven wedges; it was getting rather large, so I called it "good 'nuff." Mom says it's still a little big; she'll try to gently felt it.

My sister Yaya got a pair of Fetching fingerless mitts and a matching headband, both knit with Classic Elite Inca Alpaca. I cannot say enough about this yarn. I love love love it. I'll be buying more for sweaters for both the Hairy One and me.


The picture is dark - it's actually the Stonewashed Mix. Yaya says they match her coat perfectly.

In other holiday related news, Santa made a special trip to our house on the 23rd to bring the monsters tickets to Disney World. We went on Christmas Eve and had sooo much fun. The crowds were insane, the lines were long, and the food was ridiculously over-priced. To balance out that negative, the park was beautiful, everyone was cheerful, and my monsters were impeccably polite and well-mannered. We had no major melt-downs or blow outs. My kids rock.

I also had a chance to revel in my passive-aggressive bitchiness while at the park. Let me set the stage: it's about half an hour before the light parade; areas of the "streets" are roped off for spectators to sit and watch the parade; the only open area is right behind the only group standing (all adults) . Enter stage right: Super Bitch Mom!

In a very loud, sugary-sweet voice I tell my children, "This is perfect, guys! This is the area where everyone sits to watch the parade, so everyone gets to see. As soon as the parade starts, everyone will sit and everyone will get to see the beautiful floats."

It was fabulous! The standers looked around, realized they were standing in a sea of sitting spectators, and they hightailed it out of there. We had a great view of the parade, and the other parents near us quietly applauded me. I am a queen; I just need a castle.

From one end to the other

Wednesday and Thursday were utterly awful. I took stock, I hugged my kids, I cuddled my furbabies, and I knitted. My outlook is much brighter now!

I've finished the body of Cherie Amour. Hooray! I am doing something crazy with the sleeves. If I'm successful, I'll tell you all about it. If I'm not, I'll make some drunken post railing against the knitting gods.

Blue on blue on blue

I finally had a chance to take a picture of this in sunlight. Can you see the beautiful, subtle variegation? I am so gosh darn proud of myself! My sister had better love this! As a side note, before binding off the shoulders, I tried this on. The Hairy One's reaction was, "Wow!"

I am definitely making one of these for me!

Pet me, I'm shiny

And even though I have sooo many hedgehogs to knit, I cast on Fetching on Friday. This yarn is a gorgeous kid mohair/viscose mix. It is fuzzy and shiny! It's thinner than the yarn called for in the pattern, but by knitting a little loose (very easy for me on dpns!) I've found only my row gauge is off. I added one more cable round, and I am adding four rib rounds before the thumb.

I won't finish both of these this weekend, unless there is a series of miracles, but they should be done shortly. I really like these, but if I don't finish enough hedgehogs, I may be giving them away!

Why won't I finish these super easy, knit 'em in a weekend fingerless gloves? The Hairy One's back is wonky again. He spent the day in bed, and I had to stand in for him at a birthday party. I spent my afternoon manning the grill while teenagers and young children ran screaming. I don't think they were screaming because of my grilling prowess, but I'm not sure. The burgers were juicy, but the hotdogs were the weird red ones. They were rather frightening!

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a hermit, but I am not a fan of crowds or small talk or bullsh*t. Remember the line from Steel Magnolias: "Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!" That's me. It's fun in the right mix, but not this afternoon. I grilled, I read, I reminded my monsters not to kill each other or anyone else, and I knitted. I am such a social misfit!

The highlight was when Bubba proudly announced to another child, "Do you know what my Mom can do? She can knit! She made me a hedgehog and ear warmers and she's making a sweater!" My kid's proud of me! I'm enjoying it now, because I know it won't last.

After that fabulous afternoon, I went straight to my knitting chair, ready to watch some juicy crime shows on DVR. Black Tom told me in no uncertain terms that I was not sitting down.

I'm sitting in your chair

After cleaning up the blood and retrieving my dpns from the drop ceiling, I decided Tom could have the chair for a little bit longer. I'm going to see if he's done.

The Angel of Death needs to speak with you

We're doing some remodeling at the office and the project manager's name is Azrael. No one here understands why I laugh like a mad woman when they say, "Azrael has a question for you."

Warning, snarkiness follows

This post will have nothing to do with knitting, soaping, blog-stalking, or general craftiness. This post is pure snark.

Today at work I get this (must be read in super bubbly voice – and yes, I know I’m queen of bubbly, but this was a lot even for me!):

To: QueenBee
From: ReallyExcitedWorkerBee

Hi Eryn! Could you send this out global? I am really excited and want everyone to know!

Blah blah blah about this month’s walk for your favorite charity, team info, please help….

*Important bit here* LINK TO TEAM’S PAGE WITH ALL WALK INFO

Thank you,

ReallyExcitedWorkerBee

So I clean it up and forward to all employees. Now I’ve done this before and I know the drill: I make sure the date and name of the walk are in the Subject line; I start the email with “ReallyExcitedWorkerBee is the point of contact for all questions” in huge freaking blue letters; I make sure the links work….

Within two minutes I get an email from JustCan’tPayAttention “When is the walk?” I reply with the date, place, and time and point out that all the info can be found in the link.

Another minute passes: Email from FaxMachinesAreCuttingEdgeTechnology “How do I sign up?” Reply: “ReallyExcitedWorkerBee is the point of contact for this event. You can sign up by clicking on the link she provided.”

Then the calls come in: “Hey, can I join your walk for that charity?”

Me (trying not to be nasty): “ReallyExcitedWorkerBee is the point of contact for that walk. Her contact information and the link to join the team are in the email.”

Them: “Oh, I deleted it. Can you send it to me again?” Now I am at an impasse. Do I kindly explain that you never actually delete anything on a computer and try and tell this person how to retrieve the email? Nope, I just resend it.

Now I know that because of my job, I have a low opinion of the general population, but how do these people get dressed in the morning without someone to pick out their clothes?